Feeling...

Really strange these days.

1. I am having a rough start this year at Mom's Day Out. Still can't figure it out exactly. Don't get me wrong, class is going really well. We have seen adjustments to our expectations already. And we have seen where we need to adjust our expectations. But I am in this state of being so obsessed with preschool that it makes me want to TURN IT OFF!! I think about lesson plans constantly. I think about activities constantly. I feel the need to read about activities and lessons constantly. It is such a strange obsession.

2. I am tired all the time. I know why - my body is in such terrible shape right now. I have absolutely no control over it. I eat whatever and I do not engage in aerobic activity other than a quick dance around the preschool room singing - "Lots of little fish were sleeping on a rock at the bottom of the ocean..." I am telling you that this body is not being treated as a temple as God commanded. Why can't my obsession be about being healthy? Not only that but it interfered with my girl time as well. I had plans for a girls night sushi last night. At 6:30 pm I crawled in bed to go to sleep totally forgetting that I had a 7pm sushi date. I am not sure they have forgiven me :(

3. Chris is not "there" yet. Where exactly "there" is, I cannot explain. But I know he isn't there. I think he has had four weeks of school and he has been out 4 or 5 days already. sigh...

4. My passions do not seem to be the ones of the majority - and that is SO VERY DIFFICULT. I know not everyone is called to adopt - but I truly believe that everyone is called to care about orphans, widows and the poor. I believe that parents are commanded to teach their children - instructing them Biblically and just plain everyday life stuff. In my limited experience it seems that many parents have turned over the reigns to their children. I did not say all or most - I said many. I specifically chose that word because it describes my limited experience - many from my limited experience. I just plain and simple do not believe that it is someone else job to do ANYTHING for my kid - church, school, extracurricular etc. It is not their job - even though I "use" the services offered - I still believe when all the dust settles it is ultimately my job to teach him.

5. Even though I know I am not promised anything when it comes to this life here on earth - that is not my home - I still long for "the normal life." Not that I can even articulate what a normal life would be. I long for a more simple life. I know that a simple life could very well be within my grasp but am I truly willing to go there? it is a conundrum (really I just wanted to use that word - probably didn't even use it correctly.)

6. Spiritually I am in a struggle. I have some thoughts on many subjects these days that don't seem to line up with what others think. Others as in other people I believe to be Christian. I know this means that I need to study God's word and discover His truth - "other's" truth. This stupid inferiority thing I have gets in the way and tells me whats the use you don't know what you are talking about - your not smart enough to know something unless someone else tells you. It is ridiculous - I have a Psychology degree so I know it is stupid self talk but it is powerful and hard to break.

7. I am tired - wait I already said that. Maybe I will go to bed. I guess that 6:30pm bedtime yesterday didn't do me that much good after all...